Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Use an egg box like everyone else and stop being such a poser.

Nationalism is an infantile sickness. It is the measles of the human race. Albert Einstein

History doesn't repeat itself; it rhymes. --Mark Twain

Turkish proverb: "He who tells the truth will be run out of seven villages."

Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur.
Oh! Was I speaking Latin again? Silly me. Sometimes it just sort of slips out.

"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws." - Plato

Bumper Stickers 2001

If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings"

Please tell your pants it's not polite to point.

If that phone was up your butt, maybe you could drive better!

Don't be sexist, broads hate that.

Saw it... Wanted it... Had a fit... Got it!

Constipated people don't give a crap.

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.

To all you virgins... Thanks for nothing.

If you can read this... I lost my trailer.

Your just jealous cause the voices are only talking to me.

I have the body of a God.... Buddha.

So many pedestrians...so little time.

Eat right, exercise, die anyway!

Illiterate? ...Write for help.

Cover me... I'm changing lanes.

Boldly going nowhere.

Body by Nautilus, brain by Mattel.

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you are doing it wrong.

Honk if anything falls off.

If we quit voting, will they all go away?

Heart attacks... God's revenge for eating his animal friends.

IMPIETY, n. Your irreverence toward my deity. -- Ambrose Bierce, US writer (1842-1914)

If God had intended woman to dry dishes, She would not have invented evaporation!

Some days everything seems to go right. I mean wrong! -Garfield

Murphy's Law of Auto Repair--It's always the wrong wrench.

What do you mean I can't get a modem at Ace? It's a hardware store, right?

"But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams" --Yeats

Leadership is the ability to hide your panic from others

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

"Green Eggs and Hamlet" - Would you kill him in his bed? Thrust a dagger through his head? I would not, could not, kill the King. I could not do that evil thing. I would not wed this girl, you see. Now get her to a nunnery.

One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

Thousands of generations of human evolution have all happened for the purpose of producing the ideal cat servant

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

The greatest fool of all is the man who fools himself.

Teenagers are God's punishment for enjoying sex

I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

WWJWD? (What would John Wayne do?) (See? It doesn't even like the common name 'Wayne'!)

Grandchildren spoiled while you wait!

"A scribe who does not know Sumerian -- what kind of scribe is he?" --Akkadian proverb

Do unto others as you would have they do unto you if you were acting like as much of a putz! -DG

Thousands of generations of human evolution have all happened for the purpose of producing the ideal cat servant

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

A pelican's job is never done, damn it. –MdM

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

It's a sure sign of summer if the chair gets up when you do. -- Walter Winchell

If an item has been stored in one place for some time, and you move it to a better place, you will recall only where it used to be and that you moved it somewhere.

What do you mean, you don't understand "MEOW!"
Can't you see that we are starving and must be fed immediately?!? --The Gang of Two

Patriotism is not a short and frenzied outburst of emotion, but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime. – Adlai E. Stevenson, Jr.

Grandparents are oldies with goodies!

He who hesitates is not lost, but he *is* miles away from the next exit.

Anagrammist: one who composes anagrams and, when asked for the four points of the compass, is likely to reply “thorn, shout, seat, and stew”.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Health nuts are going to feel really stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

"A home without a cat, and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat, may be a perfect home, perhaps; but how can it prove its title?" ~ Mark Twain

One day it occurred to me what a misfortune it would be to die without having seen the whole world.
- Carl Sophus Lumholtz

If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades...now THAT'S a message!

Over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer's Disease research. By the year 2030 there will be a large number of people wandering around with huge breasts and erections...who can't remember what to do with them. -- Andy Rooney

"See the penguin. Or pelican. Or something.
He thinks he's important.
Humor him."
-Middle Kingdom Primer to the SCA

Now that we have automatic teller machines, we no longer have to tell our children money does not grow on trees. They think it comes out of walls.

"To rational thought, and the pursuit of dreams,
two commodities that seem to be in short supply these days:
May they always complement each other,
and may they never need collide."

"People who hate cats will come back as mice in their next life." ~ Faith Resnick

Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?

Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem.
Latin for: "In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags."

"Ash nazg durbatulūk, ash nazg gimbatul, ash nazg thrakatulūk, burzum-ishi krimpatul!" -- Black Tongue
"One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the Darkness bind them!" -- Translation to the Common Tongue (from Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien)

When Dogs Crossbreed:
Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway...

"You often meet your destiny on the road you take to avoid it." --French Proverb

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