Khevron of borg's Joke Page

Khevron (Don's) Star Trek Joke Page

Don's "of borg" Jokes

These came out during Star-Trek Next Gen's dealing with the Borg, which I found funny and added to. Can you add to this list?

Elmer Fudd of Borg:
"Be vewy, vewy quiet, I'm assimiwatin' Waces. Huh, uh, uh, uh, uh."

Andrew Dice of Borg: "You remember Picard? I assimilated 'im, Hoooo!"

Porky Pig of Borg: "Prepare to be assim... assim... assimm.. I'm takin' over!"

Bart Simpson of Borg: "Prepare to eat my shorts, man!"

Homer of Borg: "Prepare to be assim... ooh, donuts."

Arf of Borg: "Prepare to be assim... ooh, Sonja" dg

Alex Trebek of Borg:
"No, I'm sorry, the correct question is, "What is assimilation."

Anti-drug commercials of Borg:
"This is your brain. This is your brain on assimilation. Any questions?"

Gomer Pyle of Borg: "Assimilating? Well, Surprise!... Surprise!... Surprise!"

George Bush of Borg: "Read our lips, no more assimilation!"

Dan Quayle of Borg: "Prepare to be Assimlated."

Barney Fife of Borg: "We got ta assimilate it Andy, assimilate it right in the bud."

U2 of Borg: "Rattle and Assimilate..."

Nintendo Borg: "Now you assimilating with POWER!"

BorgDonalds: "Billions and Billions Assimilated."

Borger King: "Your way is irrelevant!"

Locutis to Pontiac: "Excitement is Irrelevant!"

The new Dodge Truck: "Borg Tough!" dg

Ralph Seekins of Borg: "See ya here!" dg

Fairbanks Nissan of Borg: "Where we're on the move to you!" dg

Alaskan Borg: "The only Locally Owned Collective." dg

Arnold Schwarzenegger of Borg: "We'll be back." dg

Conan of Borg: "What is best in life? To assimilate your enemies, and hear the lamentation of the races." dg

Donald Trump of Borg: "We're gonna have to build some more hotels!" dg

Annoy Jerry Prevo of Borg: "Think for yourself, avoid the collective." dg

Duck Dodgers of Borg: "Assimilate, or be blasted into 3,670,002 microcells." dg

Bugs Bunny to Cecil Turtle of Borg: "Wanna Race?" dg

Richard Lewis nearly of Borg: "What is this assimilation? How am I supposed to "prepare" for this? ...I'm feeling a little inadequate..." dg

Ellen Degenerous of Borg: "I was already assimilated yesterday. Well, ...last week. Month. O.K., last year. Alright, so I haven't been assimilated yet." dg

Jim Kirk of Borg: "The needs of the few, no... The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the one, or.. no, no..." dg

Bones of Borg: "I'm a doctor, not an assimilator!" dg

"Yes" of Borg: "It can happen to you, it can happen to me, it can happen to everyone eventually..." dg

New Yorker just assimilated: "I'm a borg now? Aw, F%*@!" dg

Loiosh of Borg: "Ya want me to assimilate him, Boss?" dg (Jhereg)

Burger King of Borg: "We may not be the number 1 race in the galaxy, we only feel that way." dg

Pepsi Cola of Borg: "The taste of a new collective." dg

95.5fm ROCK of Borg: "You're tuned into the CLASSIC thoughts of the collective!" dg

I am Letterman of Borg. "Top Ten Reasons You Will Be Assimilated..."

I am Dyslexic of Borg. "Prepare to have your ass laminated."

"I am Betty, of Borg...prepare to be boop-boop-be-dooped!!"

"We are Borg. Resistance is futile... all will be assimilated"

"We are Microsoft. Prepare to be assimilated. Resistance is futile."

"Alaska Native of Borg. We will be assimilated, but in the traditional way."

Alaskan women of Borg: "You will lose your woman, lose your turn, and you will be assimilated." -dg

Ever play "Beer Trek"?? It's a drinking game, wher you simply watch a star trek episode, and follow the instructions of when to drink when and how much as per the following lists for each show:

Beer Trek (TOS)

1 Enterprise Serial Number: 1 Sip

2 Beaming: 1 Sip/person

3 Use of Warp Drive: 1 Sip/warp#

4 Part of Spock's anatomy saves him: 1/2 Chug

5 Red Alert: Finish Beer

6 "Red Shirt" Dies: 1 Chug

7 Bone's says: I'm a doctor, not a _______:1/2 Chug

8 Kirk saves the Universe, Galaxy, Earth: 1 Chug

9 Spock States Probability: 2 Sips

10 Scotty saves ship (with a time limit) 1/2 Chug

11 Prime Directive mentioned: 2 Sips

12 Kirk "Gets done": 1 Chug

13 Spock cocks eyebrow: 3 Sips

14 Bones complains about a device: 3 Sips

15 Communicator "click": 1 Sip

16 Anyone says "Captain", or "Jim" 1 Sip

17 Spock says "Jim": 1/2 Chug

18 Kirk pulls "Heroe move": 1/2 Chug

19 Someone takes over the Enterprise:2 Sips

20 Spock shows emotion: 1 Chug

Beer Trek (TNG)

1 Picard show a new hobby/interest: 2 Sips

2 Riker viewed with a new squeeze: 2 Sips

3 Worf speaks Klingon: 1/2 Chug

4 Data cocks his head in confusion: 1 Sip

5 Romulan warbird "de-cloaks": 1 Chug/ship

6 Communications "interfered with": 1/2 Chug

7 Troi senses "he's hiding something" 3 Sips

8 Q teleports himself: 1/2 Chug

9 Female crewmember "Gets done": Finish beer

10 Q moves crew or ship a great distance: 1 Chug

11 Data doubts himself: 1/2 Chug

12 Riker says" Shields up": 2 Sips

13 Geordi says "warp..." (speed/coil/core):1 Sip

14 Ships "shaken" by an attack: 2 Sips

15 Phasers "seen" firing: 1 Sip/beam

16 Klingon knife gripped or pulled: 1 Sip

17 Holodeck doors open: 1 Sip

18 Crewmember crawls up Jeffries tube: 2 Sips each

19 Enterprise retreats from attacker: 1/2 Chug

20 Crewmember(s) announced dead: 1 Sip each

21 Shield tolerance percentage stated: 1 Sip

22 Probe sent out: 2 Sips

23 Dr. Crusher in love: 2 Sips

24 Children seen anywhere on Enterprise: 1 Sip each

25 Humanoid"nosejob" alien appears: 1 Sip

Beer Trek (DS9)

1 Station food replicators "Down": 1/2 Chug

2 Major Kira "Bajor for Bajorans...: 2 Sips

3 Jake Sisko appears: 1 Chug

4 Odo Shape Shifts: Finish Beer

5 Kaiko O'Brien or daughter appear: 1 Chug

6 Commander Sisko Smiles: 1 Chug

7 Bashir expounds on himself: 2 Sips

8 Odo and Quark philosophize: 2 Sips

9 Quark pulls off a scam: 2 Chugs

10 Any male ogles at Dax: 1 Chug

11 Lt. Dax refers to Curzon Dax: 2 Sips

12 Quark gets ear massage: 1/2 Chug

13 Anyone's past lover shows up: 1 Chug

14 Odo angry about how things are run: 1 Sip

15 Odo "watches station more carefully": 1/2 Chug

16 BORG appear through Wormhole: Finish Beer

17 Nog causes trouble: 1/2 Chug

18 Station View with ship leaving: 2 Sips

19 Runabout enters wormhole: 2 Sips

20 'Real' Star Fleet vessel visits: 2 Chugs

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