Don's Tagline Collection VII
I started gathering tag-lines (one or two liners at the end of a posted message or e-mail) in 1993 off of WWIVnet when I was a co-sysop on "the Green Door" BBS. I don't necessarily believe or adhere to the words herein, but I thought them funny. There's a lot, so happy reading!
Oh, I tried to give credit to authors, etc. My own are marked with -DG. SW is Steven Wright, BA is Blackadder. If you know the author and I haven't credit him/her, let me know!
Don't fall out of your chair...
Welcome to L.A. Would you prefer smoking or non-smoking?
What can you do at 3 AM? Psssttt - got a modem??
What fools these morals be!
What has four legs and an arm? A happy Pit Bull.
What is "Laptop" spelled backwards???
What we have here is a failure to communicate...
What's a honeydew list? Honey do this, honey do that..
When all else fails, read the docs.
Which gets you to NY faster : The 16 bit bus or the 8 bit
Whoever thought up No Alcohol beer was way too drunk.
Windows 4.0 coming to the rescue! Wait for FedEx!!!!!!!
WORK HARDER! ... Millions on welfare depend on YOU!!!
You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
You go to heaven... GOD sneezes... What do you say?
You should presently be able to deal from a full deck.
You're a loser when your dog gets a new best friend.
YOUR SISTER DATES A SYSOP!
Your worst nightmare: Bottle fed by Dolly Parton.
Confucius say: Man who pull out too fast leave rubber.
DOS Exception #13: H)alt, L)ockup or F)reeze?
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I...
File not found, backup not found. Do you want a drink?
How many years did it take you to become so ignorant?
Is that your doughnut?
If you outlaw marriage, only outlaws will have inlaws!
Make like a cow chip and hit the dusty trail.
Medical Staff: A doctor's cane
Not registered and PROUD OF IT!
ORG.ASM not found; Wife VERY unhappy!
Some days you get bear; some days bear get you.
Specimen: An Italian astronaut.
Rush Limbaugh + 5 years = Morton Downey, Jr.
FRED, He keeps going, but still is getting nowhere
The problem with the gene pool is there is no lifeguard.
Anything given in the mega-doses they give to rats will cause cancer in humans!
I'd like to poison your mind with wrong ideas that appeal to you.
I am evil. I must be punished for my reformed necromancer.
It's good to be the king.
What kind of bait do you use to catch a flight?
I stayed up all night last night trying to round off infinity.
General failure reading drive C: (R)eady, (A)im, (F)ire
"The efficacy of religion lies precicely in what is not rational, philosophic, nor eternal " -- Henri Frederic Ameil
100mhz 16megs of ram is Warp ten
"Liberty cannot be preserved without a general knowledge among the people." -- John Adams
"Chaos often breeds life when order breeds habit." -- Henry Adams
You're not going crazy, you're going sane in a crazy world!
"Man is an imperceptible atom always trying to become one with God." -- Henry Adams
Eat any good books lately?
"In the seas of anger and fear, there will always be a pool of tranquillity..."
Eskimos: God's frozen people...
I didn't vote for Clinton 'cause he wasted a good joint
Yo momma's so ugly Dairy Queen doesn't even treat her right
Pick two:  Fast  Right  Cheap
Tymora bless me! Is that a bundt cake I see?
"Could you continue your petty bickering? I find it most intriguing." -Data
The word today is, LEGS. Help spread the word!!!!
Hey Santa, how much for your list of naughty little boys?
Nothing: Often a good thing to do and a clever thing to say.
It's difficult to work in a group when you're omnipotent.
Kato Kaelin: YAY! NICHOLE'S DEAD! I'M A STAR!!!!
What is man without the beasts? If all the beasts were gone, men would die from a great loneliness of spirit. For whatever happens to the beasts, soon happens to man. All things are connected.
"If you love, love without reservation. If you fight, fight without fear."
-- Sheridan, "The Coming of Shadows"
Sheridan:"G'Kar, don't do something we'll both regret."
G'Kar: It's too late for that, Captain. Too late by far.'
Experts! What do they know?
Greetings from Hell... wish you were here.
If it's called tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Disproving Evolution does not prove Creationism
Witlag - the delay between delivery & comprehension of a joke
Riker to Holodeck: "Woman, 23, Hot."
Clue-O'meter [\.........] Yep, you're clueless.
If your god's dead, try one of mine.
Ferengi: Little Used-Car Salesmen of the Galaxy.
Don't question authority -- it doesn't know, either.
"Why does truth call forth hatred?" - St. Augustine
A wonderful way to make a long story short: Interrupt.
M 2/5's of a nickel...
Oh! What a mad, blundering, incredibly handsome, young fool I've been! -Prince George - BAIII
Put away your secret decoder rings kids, there was no hidden message.
They call it "Surfin the Net" beacuse you can wipe out so easy
That concept looks like a chicken in a windstorm.
"The passing of Knowledge is the most important thing."
"Old seneschals never die, they just lose some of their compunctions."
"The lord moves in mysterious ways"
One more reason He has trouble finding chess partners
"On ne voit bien qu'avec le coeur, l'essentiel est invisible aux yeux" - Antoine de St.-Exupery
hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?
Question authority, but raise your hand first.
Blessed are those of us who can laugh at ourselves, for we shall never
cease to be amused.
If a Chirugeon treats only boils is he called Lancelot?
"Anatomically impossible, but you're welcome to try."
"I hate quotations." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I will FEED him"..then, muttered, "to Alexander for dinner." - Worf
Apathy will be the downfall of mankind. But who cares?
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
I wouldn't send a Knight out on a dog like this
All taglines are busy... One will be with you shortly.
"Let us dare to read, think, speak and write." -- John Adams
Until morale improves, floggings will continue!
It's worse than that, the show's been canceled, Jim.
"Who is the more fool? The one who leads into danger or the one who follows him?"
I've consulted all the sages I could find in yellow pages.
If life is a dream, then death shall be my awakening.
Do Heralds need extra candles to wax eloquent?
"I thought the only way anyone left Psi Corps was feet first" - Sheridan
Set your phasers to "Pain"!
With friends like you, who needs enema's.
GENE POLICE! Ok, you! Out of the POOL!
Trust the Computer. The Computer is your friend.
McCoy: Dammit jim I'm a doctor not a Nexus busboy
Just when I was getting used to yesterday along came today.
If it works, rip it apart and find out why!
I call things as I see them;, and If I don't see them, I make them up! -Biff Barf
"IT'S A KNOWN FACT THAT THE SHEEP THAT GIVE US STEEL WOOL HAVE NO NATURAL ENEMIES." From the Far Side
My room is the definition of entropy.
Heterosexuality: What Causes It? On the next Geraldo.
Ever find yourself reading taglines & skipping messages?
...acoustic coupler... is that two guitarists screwing?
PMS= Punish My Spouse
Redundency, An air bag in Hillary Clinton's Car :-)
Riding shotgun down the avalanche...
Help! There's too much blood in my caffeine system!
"Good boy? GOOD BOY? I didn't come all this way for -good boy-."
Gardening always takes a back seat to science -Tom Servo
When exactly IS Johnny supposed to come home, anyway?
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
Science asks "How?". Philosophy asks "Why?". And cats don't care.
Clinton wants everything. And he thinks YOU have it!
THANK GOD I'M AN ATHEIST!
How much does an opinion weigh? Does it really matter what I say?
"We are Borg resistance is futile...all will be assimilated"
I call things as I see them; If I didn't see them, I make 'em up!
"Mr. Worf, fire phasers at Tangent" ... Zzzzzap!
Vidi, vinci, VENI !!
"We are Microsoft. Prepare to be assimilated. Resistance is futile."
Visit Alaska this summer or the wolf bites it!
"I trust only one thing in a woman; that she will not come to life again after she is dead." -- Antiphanes
Lowtech: This is not a lowtech tagline.
"The only stable state is the one in which all men are equal before the law." -- Aristotle
There's demons in my head and it's more than I can take...
There's a crack in the mirror and a bloodstain on the bed...
Irony: (n) See ironic
Ironic: (adj.) See irony
It's people like you that make people like me kill people like you!
This isn't hell... but you can see it from here. - "The Crow"
I wish my backsparg imean backspacebutton worrkedu.
I'm a lumber jack and that's okay...I sleep all night and I work all day.
I will not be stamped, filed, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered!
The responsibility of tolerance lies in those who have the wider vision.
Is casual sex chaotic? ;-)
Better to be safe now than sorry later... hehehe
I'm so glad I'm a beta! - Brave New World
Your wrong, I'm right... GOT IT!?
I'll show you fear in a handful of dust...-Robert Browning
"When God said 'Let there be light', the Goddess flipped the switch..."
This message was brought to you by firelizard
"American by birth......Wiccan by the grace of the Goddess...."
Pagan by birth and the grace of the Goddess
Every person you meet knows something you don't. Learn.
The palindromedary is back, but doesn't have one.
DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on *something*!!!
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
If adversity makes you stronger, I must be Arnold Swartzenegger by now!
I almost stole another tagline. I'm so ashamed.
Fame and fortune await!
OK,...darnit, who tooty'd in the FOREST...I hates that!!!
Sysop, Plaque fighter...and general nice guy...or something, huh..huh
Shareware? Reminds me of a girl in my high school!
Lawyers DO IT in their briefs.
"I've got enough guilt to start my own religion..." - Tori Amos
I am Letterman of Borg. Top Ten Reasons You Will Be Assimilated...
I am Dyslexic of Borg. Prepare to have your ass laminated.
"But touch a solemn truth in collision with a dogma of a sect, though capable of the clearest proof, and you will soon find you have disturbed a nest, and the hornets will swarm about your eyes and hand..." -- John Adams
Voyager has a lot more in common with Gilligan's Island
"Good evening. I'm Dan Rather and I'm not wearing pants."
Poodle: Rat on steroids and amphetamines.
I tried reality, but it didn't work.
Warped minds think along the same curve.
"The wise learn many things from their foes." -- Aristophanes
Star Trek IX: The Search For Original In-House Plotlines
I am Betty, of Borg...prepare to be boop-boop-be-dooped!!
"As sight is in the body, so reason is in the soul." -- Aristotle
"Unthinking men are like sleepwalkers." -- Hannah Arendt
I will not snap bras
I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call
NO CARRIER...just 2 destroyers and a minesweeper.
Never take a beer to a job interview.
Spitwads are not free speech
Computer, you and I need to have a little talk. - O'Brien
Patrick Stewart...THE NEXT MR. FREEZE?!!
I'm not quite dead yet.... oh wait, yes I am.
Beatles hit: She loves to, yeah, yeah, yeah...
A jug of wine, a loaf of bread, many condoms, and thou.
I'm easy to please as long as I get my way.
Line noise provided by Bell Atlantic!
Dewey, Cheetim & Howe, Attorneys at Law
I'm not a complete idiot, some of the parts are missing!
Impossible (adj.) -- Nailing Jello to a tree.
Huh?!?! Both hands on the keyboard, please!
Happiness is when you wake up and find your DMs face on a milk carton.
Quote of the day: If it looks dangerous, let an NPC do it!
Drink from me and live forever.
He had a case of nerves, so he bought a case of beer.
(A)bort (R)etry (U)se Blunt Instrument? [ ]
A little revolution every now and then is a good thing.
"Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes and she's gone..."
Grow your own dope: Plant a Republician!
I guess I can stay for a little bit..
A Lady only shows her underwear on purpose.
(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (F)uck it?
Eradicate belligerent nationalism: FLUSH RUSH (Limbaugh)
Even if I'm schizophrenic, I still have each other...
Chernobyl used OS/2
Boy, the Klingons are acting like the Centauri all the sudden..
Borg -- James Borg -- licensed to assimilate.
Life is Hard... Don't go Soft!
I must be going. Evil plots don't just make themselves you know. -Prince Ludwig the Indestructable BAII
Oy! My brain! Paradox overload! Help Meeeeeeeee!
Six pints of bitter. And quickly please, the world's about to end.
* <- Tribble o <- Jean Luc Tribble
Streakers repent! Your end is in sight.
"That's the last mistake you'll ever make." - Luke
For there is no god-person and I am his prophet!
Audio available for the Closed Caption impaired
Life is a tough sport. Wear a cup!
Bumper Sticker: I'd rather be teleporting!
Death Rays don't kill people; people kill people!
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
White Dwarf seeks Red Giant for binary relationship.
Your test tube wears combat boots!
E. Coli eats shit!
Think "Honk" if you're a telepath.
On all lasergrams; Don't forget the Zap Code!
There's no future in time travel.
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
Help stamp out and abolish redundancy.
I'll burn that bridge when I get there.
Test tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Kiss me twice, I'm schizophrenic.
Mobius strippers never show you their back side.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Mr. Spock wears vulcanized rubbers.
The reason computer chips are so small is that computers don't eat much.
The problem with the gene pool is there's no life guard.
21st Century T-Shirt: Disco still sucks
Herman Kahn but Immanuel Kant
Microbiology lab: Staph only!
If you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen them all!
Wernher Von Braun settled for a V-2 when he coulda had a V-8!
The FORCE is looking for a few good men.
186,000 mps: It's not only a good idea, it's the law.
Go climb a gravity well.
One genotype - one vote!
I support little league Rollerball.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Thor was a flasher.
GIVE: Support the helpless victims of the computer error.
Microwaves frizz your heir.
It's bad luck to be superstitious.
To go where no man has gone before, boldly.
Let sleeping bags lie.
Mary had a little lamb, peas and a salad.
For every heart on Broadway there's a broken light.
Whip it! Whip it well!
The hairstylist of Seville
You can't teach a dead dog new tricks.
Lady Chatterley's boyfriend
Insubordination on the Bounty
Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
The Lone Ranger and Toto
Don't let your willpower get the best of you.
I'm not going to say "I told you so".
I used to be agnostic, but now I'm not so sure.
Procrastination means never having to say you're sorry.
May I ask a question?
Eye abject two awl homonyms!
Nepotism is ok as long as you keep it in the family.
You simply must stop taking advice from other people!
Buy American; the Seville, the Capri, the Granada, the Monte Carlo...
I'm going to commit suicide or die trying!
...and the doctor says I should take something for my Kleptomania...
By definition, one divided by zero is undefined.
I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
Haircuts while you wait.
Each class of man is created equal.
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
Klingon Apology: A good right hook.
Don't believe anything until it's been officially denied.
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your taglines!
The person who snores the loudest will fall asleep first.
Kirk of Borg: You WILL be aSIMaLAted!
The 4 food groups: Fast, frozen, instant and microwaved.
Optimist: YUGO owner with a radar detector.
"Saw a werewolf drinkin a pina colada at Trader Vic's...his hair was perfect."
Little Red Riding Hood snack cakes! Mmmm mmmmm good!
All computers wait at the same speed.
Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Bloody Cardassians -- I just got this damn thing fixed. -- O'Brien
Steven Wright virus: Replaces all your files with exact duplicates.
2001: The Monolith Mall, "My God, it's full of stores!"
Are the noises in my head bothering you?
Neither war nor power can vanquish him; only love and a pure heart can tame him.
Ah, Love, if thou and I with fate conspire...
How to ski: "Go that way. Go really fast. If a tree gets in the way, TURN."
If this were an actual tagline, it would be funny.
Drugs, crime, sex, scandal - God don't you just love congress?
"Uh-oh. This is bad, this is *very* bad..." -- Lt. Barclay
Now the feces is going to impact the air motivator...
Swiss Chocolate and Carmel Swirl are best when together!
Don't ask me--I'm making this up as I go!
So young grasshoppah...you will help me get my green card!
"The world is like a cactus except the pricks are inside."
"Paradise has never been so well armed." Ben Sisko
Fight inclusion, it doesn't work in Australia, and it would work here!
Women....They're not just for breakfast anymore.
Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.
"The next time I pass through your star-system, I'll call you." Riker
MAGNA EST VERITAS, ET PREVALEBIT!
All of us have a bit of the vampire and a bit of the nightingale *Tori Amos
My word is God
My God is Word -DG
If it can't be Groaned, it must be Mimed -Steve
"You Klingons embrace death too easily, you treat it like a lover." -Dax
"Of course it hurts! It's *supposed* to hurt! It's a phaser!" - Quark
COLDBEER.CAN found, programmer probably loaded.
I am Odo of Borg. No, now I'm a Cylon. No, now I'm a....
Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
<-------- The information went data way --------
Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
The name is Baud......, James Baud.
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
C:\ Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.
E Pluribus Modem
.... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.
24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
Windows: Just another pain in the glass.
SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
All computers wait at the same speed.
DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue ...
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981
DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)
Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_~"
Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
Read my chips: No new upgrades!
Hit any user to continue.
2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!
I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?