Don's Tagline Collection XVI (2004)
REPUTED(ly) may be rather too strong a word. Alleged? Hypothesized?
"She gave him a look that indicated that her capacity for Not Putting People Through Walls No Matter How Much They Deserve It had been exhausted.
- Jadwiga Zajaczkowa
And the first signs of spring appear! Not crocus in the garden, not robins on the lawn -- marshmallow chickens and bunnies in the supermarket!
Skon som en rose, skarp som en torn;
Lovely as a rose, sharp as a thorn;
so watch it. @>-`-,--
“If you're not part of the problem, you're ^ part of the solution!”
“Good words anoint a man, ill words kill a man.”
–John Florio (16th C)
“Tye tounge runth before they wit” – Heywood 1562
“A little learning is a dangerous thing;
Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring,
There shallow draughts intoxicate the brain,
And drinking largely sobers us again.”
-Alexander Pope 1709
“ ‘Tis the dessert that graces all the feast”
- William King 1708
“Laws…. Are to be pruned and reformed from time to time.”
–Sir Francis Bacon
“Launcelot now I well vnderstande that thou are a fals recreaunt knyghte and a comyn lecheoure, and louest and holdest other ladyes.”
- Malory- Morte d;Arthur
“Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.”
- Groucho Marx
“As the French say, there are three sexes – men, women, and clergymen.” Lady Holland
“Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.”
-Samuel Johnson 1759
“Chastity is either abstinence or continence; abstinence is that of virgins or widows; continence, of married persons.”
- Jeremy Taylor 1667
“Gamesters and Highwaymen are generally very good to their Whores, but they are very Devils to their Wives.
- John Gay 1727 [The Beggar’s opera]
Ashore it’s wine, women, and song;
Aboard it’s rum, bum, and concertina.
“Courtship to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull Play.” –William Congreve [the old bachelor]
“Marriage: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.” The Devil’s Dictionary
“Who marrieth for love without money hath good nights and sorry days”
- John Ray 1670
“One was never married, and that’s his hell; another is, and that’s his plague.” –Burton paraphrasing Sacrates
“Love, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest.”
“When a woman marries again, it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs.”
“Kissing don’t last; cookery do!” Edmund Spenser [Epithalamion]
“Polygamy may well be held in dread, not only as a sin, but as a bore.” Lord Byron
“Pythagoras said, that this world was like a stage
Whereon many play their parts.” –Richard Edwards 1567
“Good-nature and good-sense must ever join;
To err is human, to forgive, divine.
Reality is a constant intrusion on my dreams.
Shared knowledge is preserved knowledge.
The pen is mightier than the sword.
Only if the sword is very small and the pen is very sharp.
-Pratchett [Quimby – The Light Fantastic]
“No silicon heaven? Preposterous! Where would all the calculators go?"
–Kryten Red Dwarf III
May you always be blessed with the good things life has to offer. In times of adversity, always remember, this too shall pass.
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children"
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house,"
"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."
"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?"
"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim."
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh."
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner."
"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that's the law."
"Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"
"Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan."
--A. Whitney Brown
"Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because " Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
--Unknown, presumed deceased
"I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness."
-- Calvin, "Calvin and Hobbes"
"I'm not stressed ......... Just very, very alert."
A certain philosopher questioned the holy Antony. "How," said he, "dost thou content thyself, Father, who art denied the comfort of books?" He answered, "My book, philosopher, is the nature of created things, and as often as I have a mind to read the words of God, it is at my hand."
--Verba Seniorum, Liber XXI
It isn't willpower that a dieter needs -- it's WON'Tpower!
QED (which is Latin for "Duh!"). -Daniel de Lincolia
Religions only look different if you get them from a retailer. If you go
to a wholesaler, you'll find they all get it from the same distributor.
-- [Lazarus Long] Heinlein
Love is where you find it. And it hangs around some really strange places.
'One putting on his armour should not boast like one who is taking it off'
This Ring, no other, is made by the elves,
Who’d pawn their own mother to grab it themselves.
Ruler of creeper, mortal, and scallop,
This is a sleeper that packs quite a wallop.
The Power almighty rests in this Lone Ring.
The Power, alrighty, for doing you Own Thing.
If broken or busted, it cannot be remade.
If found, send to Sorhed (the postage is prepaid).”
-Bored of the Rings (Harvard Lampoon)
A soldier should frequently clean and look after their cuirasses and cataphracts, lances and helmets. The glitter of arms strikes very great fear in the enemy. Who can believe a soldier warlike, when his inattention has fouled his arms with mould and rust?
-Publius Flavius Vegetius Renatus-Epitome of Military Science (about 400 AD)
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
He, who will not reason, is a bigot; he, who cannot, is a fool; and he, who dares not, is a slave.
Tips for driving in winter, #1: Do not attempt to overtake the snowplough.
Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.
"Jack, you have debauched my sloth!" -- Dr. Stephen Maturin, "HMS Surprise"
"The favor of inclusion deserves the courtesy of assimilation. Make the effort. It's poor party manners to come to live in this country, and then have a hissy fit because the parking signs aren't posted in Hmong."
-- Dennis Miller 8 Mar 1996
There are no rules for March. March is spring, sort of, usually, March means maybe, but don't bet on it.
'We do not do these things to raise our stature in the world; we do these things because it is right to do so.'
“Fundamentalism (of any kind) troubles me. The world is too big and too intricate to conform to our ideas of what it should be like. In my experience I’ve found that most fundamentalists aren’t so much attached to their professed ideologies as they are to the way in which these ideologies try to make sense of a confusing world. But the world is confusing, and just because we invent myths and theories to explain away the chaos we’re still going to live in a world that’s older and more complicated that we’ll ever understand.
“A good deed done to an animal is as meritorious as a good deed done to a human being, while an act of cruelty to an animal is as bad as an act of cruelty to a human being.”
“Any interference with the body of a live animal which causes pain or disfigurement is contrary to the Islamic principles.”
-Al-Hafiz Basheer Ahmad Masri
Bush pro-environment action is akin to him lengthening peoples lives by planting masts in the earth to harness the wind to make the planet spin faster, thereby shortening the days.
A mature person is one who is does not think only in absolutes, who is able to be objective even when deeply stirred emotionally, who has learned that there is both good and bad in all people and all things, and who walks humbly and deals charitably with the circumstances of life, knowing that in this world no one is all-knowing and therefore all of us need both love and charity.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
What's right is not always popular;
What's popular is not always right.
Damn typo dragon is perched on the keyboard again!!!!!!!
"Ididn'tdoit!Nobodysawmedoit!Youcan'tproveanything!" - Bart Simpson
Some girl with psychic power, she said "T-Bone, what's your sign?"
I blink and answer "Neon!", I thought I'd blow her mind.
- Tom "T-Bone" Stankus -Existential Blues
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- The Management
"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad
people will find a way around the laws." - Plato (427-347 B.C.)
"Is this the printer of your disc content" -BBC radio
"Please leave your values at the front desk." -sign in French hotel in Latin quarter
It wouldn't be a hobby if there has to be a reason! -- Larry Leadhead